Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
