ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
