If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I'm gonna fight the coyote
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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