so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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