The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
