you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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