dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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