Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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