I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
