Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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