I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
