i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
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