aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
