Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
