I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize