So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
You are a genius and a whore.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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