Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
