I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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