i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
