I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
