He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
