oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize