i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
