I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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