What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
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