Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
