I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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