You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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