I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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