I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
