Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Randomize
