home. puking in laundry basket.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
