the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Pants are for mortals
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
