You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Holy shit dude........stairs
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
