On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
