SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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