Who wears a wallet chain?!
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize