dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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