Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
