a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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