apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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