I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
