I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Who did Billy Mays play for?
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
