hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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