the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Randomize
