It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Randomize
