Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
