There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
