He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
