I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
You may now shotgun with the bride
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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