these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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