i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
