just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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