Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Randomize
