Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
