If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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