When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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