Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
