Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
