If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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