I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
is wine microwaveable?
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
