She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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