So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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