Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize