i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
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