I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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