I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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