I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
