I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
