I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
