The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
