i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
